Roundabout Planned For Valley/Main Intersection

Architectural rendering of the proposed Valley/Main/I-10 clusterfuck

City traffic engineers have been scratching their heads over how to handle the clusterfuck at the intersection of Valley Drive, Main Street, and Interstate 10. They may have come up with a brilliant solution.

“Yeah, ya know most people call this intersection the ‘five pointed star of death’ and we realize it’s tricky. There’s a lot of traffic passing between Valley and Main, and the streets don’t cross at right angles, so drivers get confused. Then there’s the truckers exiting the Interstate looking for a hamburger or someplace to take a shower and meet some ladies,” said Tom Mañana, Lead Traffic Engineer Consultant.

A classmate of Mañana’s daughter, who attends NMSU, spent 3 months in Great Britain this past spring and told the Mañana family all about her travels and how people live across the pond.

“Yeah, she was saying how many of the urban crossroads have these ‘roundabouts’ and they don’t need no traffic lights because the cars just keep moving in a circular flow. It seems weird to not have any redlights at an intersection, but she swears it worked, and worked well.”

The city held a public meeting to hear how the community felt about such a drastic change to the roadways, knowing that most Americans are quite resistant to change. Only three people showed up, but their input was invaluable and swayed City Council to begin drafting plans for the city’s first roundabout.

“We’re going to save a buttload of money on the operating expenses of electronic traffic signals, and motorists are going to notice a big difference in the fuel efficiency of their vehicles by not idling at a redlight forever. We also predict a drop in road-rage incidents as a result of the constant flow of traffic versus people parked in their cars side-by-side giving each other dirty looks and flashing gang signals. They simply won’t have the opportunity to fight.”

The City plans to make the circular traffic lanes double-wide to accommodate the number of oversized trucks and SUVs common in the region, as well as to provide enough space for mobile-home transports. Construction is expected to begin in August, and if successful will begin conversion on other high-traffic intersections to roundabouts.