Buffy Fairweather is trying to go green.
No.
“I came to realize it made absolutely no sense to put my laundry into the clothes dryer when nature could do it for free,” says Buffy. “I stopped buying that ‘Clothesline Fresh’ fabric softener because I was getting the same result by actually hanging my laundry out to dry on a clothesline. For free.”
Buffy is referring to a recent discovery that proves wet clothing will dry – and dry quickly – if left to hang outside for about an hour, and it costs nothing. The craze has been sweeping the nation and clotheslines have been popping up from coast to coast, including the Southern New Mexico region. People in colder climates have found that utilizing indoor clothes racks or hanging wet clothes on hangers seems to work just as well.
Unfortunately, Buffy currently rents a house in the Picacho Peak subdivision and the Homeowner’s Association does not share her enthusiasm for trying to protect the environment.
Think of the children.
“We also had a few complaints from concerned parents who didn’t think it was safe for their children to see Mr. Fairweather’s boxer shorts hanging outside for the world to see. We decided it was in the best interest of the children in our community to protect them from such vile experiences and are taking legal action against Ms. Fairweather to rectify the situation.”
Two weeks ago, Buffy received a subpoena from the Picacho Peak Homeowner’s Association (PPH-ASS) informing her that she has been slapped with a lawsuit for failure to comply with the strict HOA rules. The lawsuit is seeking a total of $10,000; $2,028 of that is for the Fairweather’s annual cost for the honor of living in PPH-ASS, and the remainder is to cover predicted expenses involving the forceful eviction of the Fairweather family.
“In Section 88, Clause 982 of our Rules & Covenants manifesto it clearly states that residents may not display unsightly items on their property, and that includes laundry on a clothesline,” said PPH-ASS. “In an effort to make everyone happy and to create a fake community such as Pleasantville or Stepford, we also forbid the presence of recycling bins, uncoordinated mini-blinds and draperies visible from the street, and vegetable gardens.”
Buffy states she had no idea of the bullshit she now has to deal with. “We just rent this place, we don’t own it. Our landlord lives in Santa Fe and we’ve never actually met him. We just send him a rent check every month and it’s cool. We only wash clothes that that are visibly dirty or stinky, so we only do laundry about once a month. Now we’re being criminalized for going green. Fuck that.”
Buffy says she plans to fight the charges in court and urge PPH-ASS to allow more freedom to its residents. If she loses the case and is evicted, she intends to steal several golf carts from the country club and sell them for cash to cover her moving expenses.
2 comments:
Why come she don't just use the thing at the laundrymat. It's only like fifty cents. Only trailer trash hang their clothes on a clothesline. Do you think Barack Obama hangs his boxers outside to dry? No I don't think so.
I think Republicans are absolutely right. Seeing someone's boxer shorts automatically turns 3 out of 5 children gay. Even if they weren't predisposed to being gay already. Not that that's possible, because it's a "choice." But I digress.
After seeing boxers, 3 in 5 children "choose" to be gay. Seeing that linen floating in the wind brings out homosexual tendencies the likes of Richard Simmons and Ryan Seacrest put together.
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