Chemtrails Now Available in Theme Colors

Clouds of poison being sprayed over last year's NMSU Homecoming in varying shades of crimson and gold

Following last September’s world-premiere chemtrail air show at NMSU, college leaders and sports team coordinators around the country have been scrambling to get their orders in for upcoming events.

Chemtrails, a compound word for ‘chemical contrails,’ refers to systematic, high-altitude dumping of unknown substances for undisclosed purposes, resulting in the appearance of unusual contrails. Chemtrails look like ordinary jet contrails initially, but are much thicker, extend across the sky, and are often laid down in varying patterns of X’s, tic-tac-toe grids, cross-hatched, and parallel lines. Instead of quickly dissipating, chemtrails expand and spread across the sky. In 30 minutes or less, they open into wispy formations which join together, forming a thin white veil or a ‘fake cirrus-type cloud’ that persists for hours.

Local entrepreneur Milton Waddams noticed the increased frequency and intensity of jet contrails criss-crossing the Southern New Mexico sky since the late 1990s, and came up with the idea of marketing chemtrails to the public sector.

“It took a few phonecalls to reach the higher-ups over at the Missile Range. They gave me 30 minutes to pitch the concept, and they loved it,” said Waddams. “The skies are being sprayed anyway; why not make it more fun and colorful for the spectators and generate a bit of revenue at the same time, right? It just makes sense.”

Waddams’ new company, Silent Skies LLC, is working directly with the EPA to provide spraying services nationwide. Rates start with a base fee of $1,500 to cover aircraft fuel costs, and charges $100–$250 per trail depending on the complexity of the crosshatch pattern, density of chemicals used, and different colors. Silent Skies intends to keep fees as low as possible to ensure custom chemtrail orders are affordable to the masses. Silent Skies stated they cannot disclose the makeup of substances exhausted from the aircraft, but that the gases are “totally safe” and “there is nothing to be alarmed about.”

Organ resident Bill Lumbergh doesn’t support the commercialism of what he says is the beginning of a covert genocide, “Yeah, I think it’s fuckin’ sick and people are just eating it up. Literally. They have absolutely no idea what’s really going down - we’re all dead. Terrific.”

Lumbergh is heading a local environmental campaign to educate people on the dangers of chemtrails and also publishes informative articles online which, he says, can all be found simply by Googling ‘chemtrails.’ Lumbergh especially wants to inform the younger generations about the perpetual “high, thin clouds” that now blanket nearly all areas of the United States.

“Ahh, yeah. Going back 15, 20 years – the sky was BLUE, ok? Down here in the desert regions of the southwest there used to be a running joke about the news station issuing a weather alert if a cloud was spotted in the sky. One cloud. Look at it now, it’s never clear anymore. People look up at the trails and say ‘Oooh, pretty!’ It’s like a slow, methodical, time-release death capsule – for all we know they might contain miniscule particles of Zyklon-B. Spray after spray. Great.”

Despite the occasional conspiracy theorist, colored chemtrails are proving to be immensely popular. SS has already booked over 100 orders, many of which are scheduled to spray outdoor amphitheater Phish and String Cheese Incident concerts this summer.