FUN PARTY LIFE at Casa Pendejo Apartments. Close to NMSU and Starbucks. Wake up at 7:55 and make it to your 8AM class! Resident convenience store with pharmacy, private hot tub rental, discotheque. All units come with front & back door. No deposit for students or Section-8. 555-5555
CATCH THE SKIDMARK and smell the roses! Available monthly at select Las Cruces locations and always online at www.lcskidmark.com
NUTS ARE COMING and you know you want them! World-famous “Poocans” grown right here in LC beside sewage filtration plant. All natural, all organic, special nutty flavor. Packed in toilet shaped tin, great gift idea! Visit www.freshlcpoocans.com to order.
CHEAP BEER BOTTLES for sale. Collector items, all brands, mostly Bud. Several hundred, empty. Build a sparkling pyramid or glass wall. No recycling, can’t bear to send them to landfill. Billy Bob 555-5555
YOU WANT IT we got it. Give some to your friends or display it at your business and attract the coolest people in town! Fun! Free! Order some Skidmarks today by emailing bob@lcskidmark.com
SUPER DVD SALE at the library. Scratched, scuffed, might play, might not. $5 each, help support the literary community
NEED FAT GUYS to beat the crap out of people at local concerts. Must be huge and intimidating, no education required. Contact Trendy Tune Promotions and start kicking ass tonight! 555-5555
YOUNG CHIHUAHUA FEEDERS perfect for training attack dogs. Cheap. Call Mula 555-5555
BIG BLACK PENIS truck for sale. Lifted, decked, 6 wheels, super-duty V-12 hemi turbo, 8mpg, flames painted on sides. Tight. Got fired, can’t afford gas. Call Butch 555-5555
ADOPT A SIDEWALK Community Action Group now forming to take back public walkways and make them nice. Sign up for your block and make it passable once again. www.savelcsidewalks.com
ADORABLE SWEET CHEEKS DIAPER CAKE (MADE FROM DIAPERS) FOR BABY SHOWER CENTERPIECE OR GIFT GIVING!! I CAN DESIGN ANY THEME, SIZE OR COLOR COMBINATIONS. SIMPLE OR EXTREMELY ELEGANT! CALL NOT-MARTHA 555-5555
UPDATE YOUR WWW to lcskidmark.com. We scrounged up the 9 bucks for our very own domain name. Bookmark it now.
RIO GRANDE WATER Fresh, delicious water in convenient 2 oz. “One Sip” disposable bottles. Perfect for home or work, save the hassle of filling a glass from the faucet. Water sourced and filtered upstream from sewage sludge release. A buck a bottle, visit www.riograndewatersuckers.org
BEAT THE SYSTEM Free seminar teaches you how to embezzle funds, host dog fighting competitions, get multiple DUIs, falsely receive welfare benefits, and much more WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE! Everyone else is doing it, let us show you how. Contact Las Cruces Chamber of Crime 555-5555
ORDER A CONDO and live even higher than the people “down there” on The Hill. Custom condos with an Organ Mountain address. Hot! Visit www.overpricedshoeboxcondos.com for info.
TOUGH GIRL WANTED to be my bitch. You got tats, rings, plugs, sweet ride, smart lip? Cool, me too. Let’s hook up and be domestically violent together. Call Darren 555-5555
NEW ENGLISH CLASSES Learn the new speak so u can sound as dumb as the rest. A must 4 teachers. Immerse urself in Texting Internet Slang. 555-5555
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