Local Businesses Fight To Ban Unruly Children

LAS CRUCES – Controversy has erupted over the recent development by the group Business Owners Mean Business (BOMB) to pass a new ordinance granting them the right to expel disruptive children and their parents from private businesses.

The brouhaha began when local shopkeeper Marge Gunderson was cited by the City for unsanitary conditions after an agent repeatedly witnessed children in her establishment rolling around on the floor and then touching food items for sale to the public – and in one instance a dog was brought into the business where it vomited after licking a “caramel colored sticky substance” spilled on the floor.

Despite having surveillance video evidence, Gunderson lost her case, citing “cronyism” within the local judicial system, and formed the BOMB group.

“What we are doing is standing up for the small business owner and their right to sweep out the trash without fear of retaliation,” Gunderson stated. “It’s like those signs that say ‘No shirt, No shoes, No service’, only we’re ramping it up a bit.”

A supporter of BOMB, Jerry Lundegaard said he’s just “fed up” with the lack of parental discipline he witnesses around town.

“I work a late shift and sometimes stop at the mini-mart on my way home, sometimes I stop at Whitey’s for a Phat Daddy Burrito if I’m hungry. It’s like 1 o’clock in the morning and I see little kids wriggling around in the booths like it’s an all-night jungle gym or something. It totally ruins my late night dining experience.”

Gunderson notes the mission behind BOMB is to remind parents of their responsibility to make sure their children’s behavior is appropriate in public spaces and to not reward their little angels with a kiss and a hug after they have run rampant throughout a store destroying floral displays and smearing their noses on glass and other reflective surfaces.