City Offers Discount For Truck Nuts

Beginning in July, you can go a bit nuts. Truck Nuts, that is.

"Truck Nuts", prominently displayed beneath the rear bumper of this New Mexico pickup truck

Truck Nuts – a vehicle accessory designed to look and feel like real testicles – have become enormously popular and allow any man with a large pickup truck to proudly display his true masculinity by mounting a likeness of his ball sack beneath the rear bumper. Typically, the larger the truck and the higher off the ground it is, the more the nuts will be noticed.

Initially started as a joke amongst college fraternity pranksters, trucks nuts are now no laughing matter and factories are sprouting up all over China to feed the demand for fake testicles.

Primarily sold online, the cost of truck nuts varies greatly depending on size, style, and finish. Small, flesh-colored balls can be purchased for under $10 and are quite popular among men driving late 90s model Ford Ranger trucks and lesbian-driven Chevy S-10s. But a real man, driving a real man’s truck, typically goes for something more flashy – and as we learned from online retailer BumperBalls.com their top selling nuts are their Designer Series “Big Boy Style” chrome-plated blue balls specially designed for Hummers, priced at around $50.

Local man Raoul Mendoza shows us his nuts

We took to the streets to get the real scoop on what this is all about. We spotted local resident Raoul Mendoza sitting in the back of his truck behind the Lohman Pic Quik. He agreed to speak with us, then offered us each an icy cold can of Tecate beer from his six-pack cooler.

“When I first saw the truck nuts, I thought, ‘Naw man, those are stupid!’, you know? But then a couple of my buddies got them, and I thought, ‘Hell, I’m a man and I should show them what I’m made of!’.”

Mendoza, a seasonal construction worker, smiled slyly and added, “It makes me feel strong, and I think the ladies like it, too.”

Last month, the City Council unanimously passed a new incentive offering owners of unnecessarily large vehicles a “buy one year, get one free” vehicle registration upon proof of Truck Nuts installation.

“We feel this will be a good way to help stimulate the economy,” said Sally Cummings from the mayor’s office, “with the dramatic cost savings, we’re going to see people buying bigger trucks, third and even fourth vehicles, with bigger wheels, so they can get the discount.”

Cummings also added, “And with the larger vehicles comes markedly reduced fuel efficiency and higher maintenance costs.”

“We want to help Americans buy, buy, buy,” stated Councilwoman Mary Bland.

Additionally, the City is teaming up with local insurance agencies to offer policy discounts based on the size of installed Truck Nuts.

“We see Truck Nuts as a safety feature, like The Club. If a thief sees that a truck has balls, he’ll likely move on to a weaker, more vulnerable vehicle.”

For more information on the Truck Nuts rebate offer stop by your local DMV office or call the toll-free hotline at 1-800-GET-NUTS.