NEW USE FURNATURE 2 years old, nice, qwality. Butiful living room set, huches, pedasal frame with qween size drowars. Retyering and hitten the road. Milton 555-5555
WANTED ONE POUND cat or dog that will weigh one pound when grown. This is not a joke. Will pay up to $10. Call 555-5555
USED ASS BLASTER for sale. Tight, will destroy anything in its path, punch holes & stuff. Combo deal with Dildozer, see big ad. Dwayne 555-5555
LOOKING FOR LOVE Distinguished man, experienced and cultured seeking the same. Have job & big screen TV. Let’s go to the rodeo. Earl 555-5555
SWEET LIFTED PENIS truck, oversize tires, gun rack & custom lettering. Got bigger truck, must sell, wife is pissed. Antonio 555-5555
START YOUR CAREER with a great company. Full time plus guaranteed OT, competitive salary $180/week, generous 1% employee discount. No benefits. Must pass IQ test. Walmart job fair this weekend.
GUNS GUNS GUNS We have guns coming out of our ears. Big guns, small guns, rocket launchers, grenades. Keep America strong and buy some guns. LeRoy’s Gun Rack Lohman/Solano, open every day.
STOLEN CAR STEREO Reward for return of Aiwa stereo with bass boomer and double decker sub woofer speakers. Stolen from 92 Honda Civic. Ralo 555-5555
AIWA CAR STEREO with nice speaker set, new wires. Hot player! Need money, must sacrifice $500. Call Enrique 555-5555
PIT BULL ALARM Scare the crap out of those would-be thieves and anyone who happens to walk past your property. Special bred dogs trained to attack on command. Buy 3 save 50 bucks. Call Pit Bull Pirates Breeding & Training 555-5555
HUGE YARD SALE Arrive early to check out a driveway filled with a bunch of filthy, broken, useless junk. All items $1. Saturday 8AM-noon at 2299 Picacho Peak Mountain Rd.
CATCH THE SKIDMARK and smell the roses! Available monthly at select Las Cruces locations and always online at www.lcskidmark.blogspot.com
NUT FARM SLAVES wanted for the summer pecan season. Must wear galoshes and understand Spanish. We pay by the nut, work fast, get money. Apply at Picacho Peak Pecan Grove beside the dump.
STOP SMOKING LOZENGES 72 pack Commit mint flavor 4mg, will trade for 2 cartons of Tribal ultra lite 100s. Desperate, can’t commit. Call 555-5555
70 TONS BEEF deep frozen packed in 25 lb. cartons. Big discount liquidation sale, $20 each. Not fit for human consumption. Call Las Cruces Public Schools Culinary Storehouse 555-5555
LOOK! LOST FORESKIN answers to “Rollo.” Good with children. Taken at birth. Got to get it. Call Jimmy 555-5555
TWO CEMETERY PLOTS Inherited two choice adjoining cemetery plots in Anthony in the Protestant section. I don’t want them, I’m Catholic. Will trade for swords or kegerator. Christina 555-5555
YOUNG DRUNKS WANTED New halfway house offering help & hope to young drunks and drug addicts. 4 openings, for men only. Call for info 555-5555
STUFF FOR SALE Call me now 555-5555
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