Children Sickened During Vado Field Trip

Last Tuesday approximately eighteen children and three teachers were airlifted to Thomason Hospital in El Paso after being overcome by toxic fumes at a Vado dairy farm. One child remains in a coma in critical condition.

What was supposed to be an exciting educational excursion for the third grade class at Somos Ricos Elementary School turned into a disaster as students started collapsing only minutes after arriving at the farm, Las Leches Marrónes, Inc.

One cow also collapsed and died during the field trip after being overcome by the stench of its own waste.

The fieldtrip, called Kidz Krazy Kows, initially worried some parents due to concerns about Mad Cow Disease. Parents were assured all precautions would be taken to limit the children’s exposure to any diseases or toxins.

Gas masks were reportedly issued to visitors upon arrival but there were not enough to go around. The children wearing the gas masks were unaffected.

Investigative teams from the EPA, FDA, and ICE were called in to survey the scene and detected atrociously high levels of toxic methane gas, ammonia fumes, fertilizer pollution, and fetid basins of standing water.

“We wanted the children to see first-hand where their milk came from,” said school principal Dick Johnson. “The kids just think their pint of chocolate milk comes from the store, but we felt it was important to show them the real deal – the hundreds of cows crammed into shadeless pens standing knee-high in their own shit. That’s what a real farm is all about.”

Due to increased public knowledge and awareness about the atrocious conditions on modern dairy farms – exposed by angry vegan bloggers, watchdog groups, and bullshit organizations like PETA – more people are becoming more concerned about where their food is coming from.

“I like to buy Happy Cow® brand cheese strips for my son,” said Ima Maroon, whose child is currently hospitalized and breathing on a ventilator. “On the box there’s a cartoon of some cows playing in a green pasture with a little creek running through, so I assumed that’s where the cows were living while they ate grass to produce the milk for us.”

Maroon was shocked to discover the conditions at Las Leches Marrónes when she arrived to accompany her child to the hospital.

“It was like an endless spread of dirty cows wading miserably in this foot-high swamp of poo. I didn’t even see no trees, no grass. If there’s no grass, what is they eatin’?”

Las Leches Marrónes reportedly houses 25,000 cows on their 20-acre complex outside of Vado. A survey on Google Earth maps revealed a series of brown lagoons and streams, dubbed “Shit Creek” by the investigative crew. It’s suspected the waste receptacle ponds were formed after numerous complaints of brown tap water in the area last year. Further testing of the groundwater revealed high levels of fecal contamination and the investigation continues.