Area Man Gets Job, Has Kegger

Earl Hickey, a great American

Las Cruces resident Earl Hickey, 44, reportedly got a new job – his third this year – and took some time to relax and celebrate after receiving his first paycheck.

Friends, family, and random neighbors attended the event held in and around Hickey’s trailer space in the Las Aguas del Marrón mobile home park last Friday evening.

“It was a kickass kegger, man. We got fuckin’ wasted!”, exclaimed one neighbor.

“Shit yeah! Wooooh!”, shouted Hickey’s brother, Marvin, when asked how he felt about the party.

We spoke with Hickey privately, where he revealed things aren’t as good as they seem.

“I been havin’ a tough year so far. I was workin’ for the paper, you know, running the printing press, but they sent it all down to El Paso. I mean, it’s our paper, but we ain’t printing it here. I don’t get it.”

Hickey went on to describe the “hellish” week he spent delivering the newspapers he used to print.

“It was hell,” he commented.

Hickey tells us he’s currently employed as a house painter, struggling to get by on minimum wage.

“There ain’t no other jobs out there,” Hickey laments, “so I took the only one I could find.”
When asked if having a kegger was a good idea with money being tight, Hickey said “I got extra money now because I get them food stamps and I been donatin’ my plasma on Thursday mornings. They pay me good money. That’s how I got a keg of Miller High Life instead of that cheap shit.”